Mr. First Year Lawyer
It’s the Capital Markets floor of the law firm of Cadwalder, Wickersham and Taft. I’m bored to tears, counting down the minutes till my partner—Mr. Lankersham—leaves for the Hamptons with wife number three for the long weekend.
Being a legal secretary isn’t too bad—just dull. I use the spare time to write vampire fiction—had a couple pieces published—my goal is to write the next “Twilight,” and buy my own goddamn Hampton’s house.
Mr. Lankersham leaves—complementing my skirt—what else is new—and wishes me a happy long weekend.
I’m about to dive into page 14 of my teenage vampire saga, when, out of nowhere, I see him.
Mr. First Year Lawyer.
I mean, he is NOT attractive…not my type. Tall. Bald. Loud. Italian—a Staten Island boy—from that weird town—Fresh Kills.
He must be a murderer…but if so, why are his eyes so blue?
He waves and smiles. I pretend to look busy.
Two weeks later—Emily in Human Resources called me to announce that I’d be working for Mr. First Year Lawyer. Temporarily. Until they found him his own legal secretary.
“Fine Emily, I’ll take on a FOURTH lawyer. Already supporting a partner, a general council, and a scared NYU intern—I better see a raise.”
I slam the phone.
Then I smile.
Because when I enter Mr. First Year Lawyer’s office—
He becomes attractive.
Very attractive.
Too attractive.
Is it boredom? Power? The suits? The scent…the deodorant…the blue eyes…the striped tie…the sweat on his forehead…don’t get me started on his briefcase. Beautiful black leather briefcase. Old school. Classy. So, naturally, I do what any smart, sensible legal secretary would do—start wearing sluttier outfits to work.
We all saw Bridget Jones. My skirts get shorter, my tops get tighter, my stockings get—more playful. I walk slowly, like a siren, swishing my hips—can guess what happened next.
Married Mr. First Year Lawyer. Twelve years next month. Two kids.
And we live in goddamn Staten Island.
Sarah Congress is a comedic playwright and screenwriter. This year, her full-length play “Big Yikes!” was read by the UP Theatre, and her ten-minute play “Fresh Kills” was read at the NYPL Lincoln Center. Her ten-minute play “Melting” was produced at Siena College for their Climate Symposium (October 2024), by the Tank Theatre for the IHRF Festival (December 2024), and was published in issue #12 of Feels Blind Literary. Sarah co-wrote the screenplay “I Can’t Hear You” which won BEST COMEDY in the 2024 Jersey Shore Film Festival. Her ten-minute play “Overdose” won 2nd place for BEST SHORT in the 2023 Downtown Urban Arts Festival at Playwrights Horizons.
Sarah has taught comedic writing courses for The Hoboken Historical Museum, The Hudson Valley Writers Center, Project Write Now, The Knowledge Project, and works as a Script Doctor for Nabisar Films.