Oh Looouis, where’s my whalebone corset?
Are you using it for your personal plaisir again?
Shall I whip off my panties and give you a sniff?
Would you like to lick them too?
Now don’t get all cross-eyed because I know you so well.
I’m just pulling your old tailbone.

Louis Le Grand, I may be un peu déshabille in this portrait,
but consider, I have just risen from rumpled bedsheets
after a nuit d’amour.

Mommy, my bed smells like fish.
Daddy told me fish have seeds.
Seeds can make a tiny poupette.
I won’t eat my string beans unless you
take out the seeds!

But let’s not argue about dinner.
Yes, I know the drill. I show up before you.
Don’t you note how your courtiers wag their tongues
like lapdogs’ tails
when my breasts fall out of my bodice?
My wit will destroy the green dragon-mouthed lot of them!
Don’t forget, I am this maison’s supreme chatte.

What’s that?
You’re going to sit next to Madame de Maintenon,
my daughter Louise Françoise’s GOVERNESS?
Sweetie, you are trampling my heart!
Now wait a minute, what has that horrible bitch got
that I haven’t?

I may not have her grand âge, but I can beat her
at a game of chess!

Oh Lou, Lou, you drive me crazy—

Mommy, you’re the crazy one!
Trying to jump out the window
so Daddy would race downstairs
and catch you and not leave …

I know, Louis! We’ll have a ménage à trois!
Then, darling, you’ll see who’s better at making love,
me or that poule!

I’ll go over your entire body with my tongue first,
after that I’ll phoque you silly.
You’ll see. I’ll spin cartwheels
around that femme’s flabby flesh!